Reasons why the English Language is so hard to learn!

(this from a magazine of some kind, passed on to me)

1. The bandage was wound around the wound

2. The farm was used to produce produce

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse

4. We must polish the Polish furniture

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes

10. I did not object to the object

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13. They were too close to the door to close it

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple; English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

> Sweetmeats are candies while sweet breads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

> Quicksand works slowly; boxing rings are square; and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese; so one moose, 2 meese?

> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? and Have noses that run and feet that smell?

> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out; and in which an alram goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible; but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

26 Golden Rules for Writing Well

Found this elsewhere, can't remember where now... it's great! Hope you can spot all the errors!

26 Golden Rules for Writing Well

1.Don't abbrev.

2.Check to see if you any words out.

3.Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.

4.About sentence fragments.

5.When dangling, don't use participles.

6.Don't use no double negatives.

7.Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

8.Just between you and I, case is important.

9.Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.

10.Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.

11.Its important to use apostrophe's right.

12.It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.

13.Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.

14.Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital letter and end with a full stop

15.Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.

16.In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.

17.Watch out for irregular verbs that have creeped into our language.

18.Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

19.Avoid unnecessary redundancy.

20.A writer mustn't shift your point of view.

21.Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.

22.A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.

23.Avoid cliches like the plague.

24.1 final thing is to never start a sentence with a number.

25.Always check your work for accuracy and completeness.